Tag Archives: family

What does it Matter?

via Daily Prompt: Relate

I was once asked when I shared a very private poem in a safe group if I would ever share it publically. I responded no, I never want to hurt anyone. He argued that hiding from the issues never solved them.

Researching today about ways to help my emotional exhaustion to the situation I find myself, the article claimed that keeping quiet helped to keep the whole process stigmatized.

Relating to the ongoing Opioid Crisis elicits embarrassment and fear, the fear of speaking out! Will family get mad at me? Maybe, but I am exhausted as I am on the front lines, bullied into silence, and much worse. I am not alone in this situation, some understand as we talk and commiserate. Others, however, are in denial and do not know where to turn either.


What Does It Matter?

Thirteen almost fourteen years ago,
she had hip replacement surgery.
80 at the time and in pain,
what does it matter
if she becomes addicted?
She’s been taking care of herself.
Who were we to step in
and override her wishes?
Living out of state at the time,
I came back for four weeks
to assist in her recovery.
First sign of trouble during her checkups,
I was forbidden to speak.
She continued to be in pain
claiming something wasn’t right,
but never getting it fixed,
She was 80 and in pain.
She functioned well
driving to church, hair appointments, ect…
no accidents, no dysfunction out of the ordinary.
We suspected but
what does it matter?
Several years went by
health issues came and went:
skin cancer, breast cancer, and bowel obstructions
with them radiation, surgery and treatments.
But opioid addiction?
She’s 80+ and in pain.
What does it matter?
Six years ago, we moved home.
Family gave her six months to live.
Her friends had several driving accidents.
She voluntarily gave up her car
if I promised to take her to her appointments.
A hospital stay – for what?
I no longer remember,
too many hospitalizations.
Addicted? Pretty sure!
She’s 85+ and in pain,
What does it matter?
Her first opioid no longer
providing adequate relief.
Six to eighteen months
to get it worked out.
Fentanyl patch, the miracle worker
this time around;
good, bad and ugly.
Accidental overdoses
visit after visit
trying to get it regulated.
It required a pain specialty clinic
only good for three years.
More hospitalizations
repeatedly asked was she’s addicted?
Only used what the doctors approved,
she replied,
as if that was a valid answer.
She’s 90 and in pain.
What does it matter?
Another round of hospitalizations,
Perocet, the new miracle
according to her.
Pain level inconsistent
three years later.
Teeth used to be white & beautiful
even at 80, now
gray and full of cavities.
Some dentist ignore
Others treat – pain either way.
Again, what does it matter?
Spinal fractures – frequent
as her spine is now mush
probably a side effect of opioid use.
So again, what does it matter?
She cries and manipulates
imploring me to make sure
we say and do whatever it takes
to secure her “meds.”
Dirty, slimy and a host of other horrible
adjectives describe me and my emotions.
My daughter is asked if
she takes grandma’s pills.
She does not and has not.
What does it matter?
Two hospitalizations in three months,
bowel obstructions!
The last one three and half weeks ago,
Surgery at 93, not an easy thing.
Pain relief clearly not adequate,
Recovery even harder
because she’s past medicine tolerance.
Not enough oxygen
readmitted to the hospital
because opioids suppress breathing.
Pain management cutting her back.
Pain all the time now,
not wanting hospice.
Crying for more meds constantly,
nowhere left to turn.
So why did it matter?
Family relationships strained and stretched,
Denial and blame intertwined.
So thirteen years ago,
Knowing what we know now,
Would we answer differently the question,
What does it matter?
While trying to pressure me into begging
pain management to up her dosage,
a family member asked me,
just days ago,
What does it matter?
So have we learned nothing?
What does it matter?
I guess it depends on who you ask!

©2017 Kim Hewison



One-Way, a Poem

via Daily Prompt: One-Way

One Way

There is only one way in life, that’s forward.

As much as I love looking back, I cannot go back.

Some days I would love to visit again.

But alas I do not have a time machine.

I do not want to live the entirety again.

A lot of pain and suffering were experience

to bring me to this date and time.

As I look forward, I see more pain and suffering.

It’s a simple fact either we move forward or we die.

While there are seasons in our lives,

where time feels like it stands still,

it is only an illusion.

Life feels so overwhelming right now.

Got a kid in his last year of High School.

My mother-in-law, 93, has spent the last two weeks

in and out of hospital (mostly in)

needing lots of my time, advocating for her.

In rehab, for awhile, we pray, a short reprieve.

My parents, both in their 70’s, requiring lots of time, as well.

My job, well, I quit to keep my sanity.

But now, financial worries keep me up at night.

There is only one way – forward.

One day this will have past, I will look back

and want to visit with these dear ones,

who may not be with us then.

I thinks so, but there is only one way.

©2017 Kim Hewison




13 Week Summer Streak Finale

First I would like to thank Thain in Vain and Drafty Devil for their hard work creating and running the Challenge. It was so very fun. 

Unfortunely, my crazy life interfered with my ability to complete it. I was unable to continue as my mother-in-law went to the ER twice in August, and was admitted for several days both times. Both my mother and mother-in-law ended up with UTI’s between her stays. My husband and I celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary with a weekend away.

Then for the last week, we have watched my mother grow weaker with growing confusion. We were afraid that her MRSA UTI returned again. Test results didn’t confirm our theory. Yesterday, we took her to the ER. 

She will spend the next several days in the hospital on antibotics with yet a different infection on sepsis protocol.

This week was the finale, Week 13. Head over to Thain In Vain to vote for the Stanley Cup winner (today – September 3, 2017 only). I am. 
According to the comments by Thain in Vain, they are looking into what they can do next. I am hoping to participate.

Kim Izzy

Inspiration at the Dentist Office

That’s an odd combination, you say. Yes, I agree.


Last week I saw a watercolor post on my facebook group Maremi’s Creative Cafe. It was beautiful. I love to doodle on abstract watercolor backgrounds. The watercolor was similar to the one above. The posted one was painted by Ximena Griffieon. I didn’t want to copy her .

My watercolor is brighter. Hers was more dramatic. Her turtle is a partial corner diver. Mine is headed upwards.

I painted the watercolor. Once it was dry, I packed it into my bag that I carry when I have a few minutes to fill. A week past, I wondered if I would ever find the time.

Friday, my youngest son had a dentist appointment to fill his first cavities. Good and bad, it’s good to be getting them taken care and bad that he got them in the first place. At least he was seventeen before he had any.

I am a very nervous mother. I had my husband go with us. My son is very independent. He was okay with me sitting out in the waiting room but I struggled with my feelings of being inadequate.

After my son left with the dentist, I reached down into my bag and felt the watercolor ready to be finished. Excitement cursed through me. I searched sea turtle images on Bing to get a reference photo. Then I began my drawing. Time flew.

When my son walked out into the waiting room, I was relaxed and mostly done with the watercolor and gel pen Sea Turtle.

Hope you enjoy!



We’re Still Family

We're still family 2017kimberhewComplicated relationship can make explanations boring. My family and I seem to be in a season of trials and loss. A couple of weeks ago, we experienced the pain of a love one dying, which is never easy but living 750 miles made it impossible for me to visit him during his short but intense illness.

There will not be a traditional funeral service either. So, I wrote the following poem to express my grief.

Praying sorrow doesn’t dark your door any time soon,


Happy Belated Mother’s Day

Mom's childhood family canvas kimberhew.jpg

Happy Belated Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. This year I created a very personal canvas for my mother. We almost lost her last year and rest of the family pictured here have passed. She’s literally the last man standing.

From a growing artist perceptive: This is the first time I have ever used this much ephemera. I used a copper metallic paint. It turned out a lot darker than I wanted.

However, I love it and my mom.

Keep your loved ones close,